This episode is about a more spiritual and conscious approach to dating. I recorded short readings for three women who attended the Full Moon Messages event and coincidently, were all single. They all just happened to ask questions about love, so I felt this would be great for the podcast.
One woman recently fell in love and has been seeing an amazing man for five months. The second woman is a widow who hasn’t started dating yet, but is thinking about it. The third has just met someone and feels nervous.
Julianne is 60 and has been divorced for about a year. She worked with me to jump start her dating. I wrote her profile and gave her the basic understanding about using the dating apps and online too. Having been in a long-term marriage, she was nervous about going back into the dating pool.
She dated for a few months, then took a break over the holidays, restarting in February and met a good number of men. One got her attention and things got serious. Now, after five months, she’s very happy, in love, but feeling a bit skittish because so many good things have been happening.
Julianne wanted to know if she could trust all the good things that have been coming to her in life.
Here’s the answer from spirit.
Your cup runneth over. Do not be alarmed – this is a good thing. It’s a true testament of abundance. What spills out is not a loss because there is more, more, more.
You need not worry about the excess, there is a limitless supply. Enjoy every drop whether you catch them all or not. It doesn’t matter if you miss some because there’s more!
What a positive message to start off with! I circle back to Julianne at the end for another question.
Next up is Angie, a widow in her middle 50s. Her husband passed away seven years ago and is just starting to think about dating. She asked if she was ever going to find love again.
This is a predictive question basically asking, “What will happen to me?” That’s very passive, which is why I wanted to help redirect her question so she was taking ownership of her desire. “Will I find love?” positions the question like you are a victim of the Universe rather than a creator of your life.
I reworded her question to make it more empowering. “What can I do to find love?” allows her to take responsibility for her love life.
Here’s the answer from spirit:
Love can absolutely be yours when you put yourself out there, take the risk to be vulnerable, open your heart, and trust the Universe. You are completely capable of finding love.
You may get a couple of small bumps and bruises along the way, but if you were an infant you would know that this is how you learn to walk. It is the same for love. It doesn’t have to be horrible, tumultuous or devastating. It can be little bumps along the way for learning if you can keep it all in perspective.
Relationships and dating are for learning. The point of dating is a journey of self-discovery. You learn about what works for you, who you are, what you don’t want to experience again, and what you want more of.
Put Your Toe in the Water
Know that to put yourself out there is absolutely worthwhile. However, if you wait till you are 100% ready, we aren’t sure when that will be. You will have to just risk it. Put your toe in the water then put your whole body in the water. Just try it.
Remember whoever you meet, they are a reflection of where you are. If you meet men at first who are thoughtless, don’t respond, aren’t interested enough, or don’t keep their promises, know this is a reflection of your energy. Look at yourself and know you need to support and be there for yourself, trust yourself, and feel good about yourself. The better you feel about yourself, the better the men you meet will be.
The higher your vibration is, the more you love yourself, the better the men you meet will be. This is sometimes hard to swallow, but it is the truth of what it takes to find love. And you are completely capable.
Finding love is more up to you then you imagine. It is not spirit dangling some carrot, luring you into the trap of dating. It is for you to decide, “This is what I want, this is what I will do and this is me facing whatever it is because I have what it takes. I can be strong, tough, sweet and vulnerable. I can be whatever I need to be to find the love I want.”
Why You Attract the Wrong Men
Angie was appreciative of the message and took it to heart. I never know when I say something like, “The men you meet are a reflection of whatever you are at,” if the recipient will be insulted and indignant.
I don’t mean to be insulting. Sometimes women are so worried about being vulnerable, they get walled off. That’s why the only men attracted to them are not the kind they want. They are less sensitive to the energy and have a lower emotional IQ. They don’t pick up your cues or have the right mindset to notice the signals you’re sending out.
When you have any kind of barrier to love, whether you have a bad romantic history, or you fear being vulnerable or hurt again, or you’re independent and don’t want to give that up. Whatever it is for you, sometimes you won’t get good quality guys and then you blame it on the men. But it’s your own misalignment that causes this mismatch.
The next reading is for Sally. She’s in her 40s, has been divorced for a while, and has been meeting men on and off. She’s found a few guys, but they disappear after a while – you know how it goes. Part of the dating process for everyone.
Sally recently met a nice guy who seems sweet, fun and easy to be with. This makes her nervous. She wants to know is this guy for real? Is he really like this all the time or is it some kind of playboy thing?
What’s underneath that question is can she trust him, and even deeper, can she trust herself to know she has met a good guy this time?
Here’s what spirit had to say:
What you see is what you get, but know there will be more to see. Stay in the present and take it one step at a time. Allow it to unfold and see how it goes. Do what you can to not get ahead of yourself. This is hard, but it’s the best way to experience the process.
Staying present makes it easier to not get overly attached or involved before the time is right. As you get out of your head and stay present, you have less worry, fear, and concern because you’re enjoying the moment instead of worrying.
You want to avoid thinking about if he’s like some other man from the past, about regrets from your past, or worrying about how he’ll behave in the future. This means you are living in stories. Then you’re either in the past or projecting into the future, but not in the present moment with him.
Do what you can to stay present and distract yourself when you start thinking about him too much. That will help you stay in a balanced state and more logical place. This prevents you from getting mired in emotions that are not needed.
This is a great exercise to learn to trust yourself and know what’s in your best interest. You think you are concerned over trusting him, but this is really about yourself. This is what you are learning, which is invaluable. When you can trust yourself, what else matters?
Julianne Asks about Trust
Then Julianne also wanted to ask Sally’s same question! Can she trust her situation, because it’s going so well?
Here’s what spirit said:
Truth is like a ball. When you are standing on the ball of truth you can only see so far around the curve. Then you walk a few more steps and can see a little more truth. What happens is more truth is revealed with time as you keep moving.
You can’t see the big picture from where you stand because you have to keep moving. What this also means is that surprisingly, there is isn’t one truth. The truth can change as you move around the curve or you might see other truths that you didn’t notice before.
There are always sides of people you might not see at first but come into play at some point. Know you have already seen quite a bit of who this person is and so far it’s good. Feel comfort in that.
If and when there are surprises, balance that on the whole of what you see and not by itself. Then you have a better gauge of what that means in the big picture.
Since it hasn’t been that long yet, you probably haven’t seen everything, but what might come up won’t erase all the good you have experienced so far. Keep it in perspective.
Julianne said that made sense to her and she started to feel better about her situation. Even when things are good you can feel on edge if you don’t have trust.
Avoid Creating More Emotional Baggage
When you take this more conscious approach to dating and step back to see the big picture of what you’re learning, it takes some pressure off.
Find a way to see dating as a learning adventure. Do what you can to stay in a more neutral “We’ll see how it goes…” place. This allows you to be more balanced as you go through the natural ups and downs of finding love.
Most men are doing the best they can even if it’s not what you want. Very few are actually mean spirited or trying to break your heart. Most men have been as hurt and disappointed as you have by love or are working out difficult childhood traumas through their relationships.
Instead of all the anger you feel, which is understandable, see if you can consider how a man’s bad behavior is a signal to you that he’s the wrong man for you. Then walk away.
When you walk away early after seeing red flags in dating, you honor yourself, you value yourself, and you avoid creating more emotional baggage that holds you back.
After 20+ years as a dating coach, one thing I know for sure is, if you desire a lasting loving relationship, and you do the work, love is YOUR DESTINY. I’ve seen women find love over and over again which means YOU CAN FIND LOVE TOO.
Wishing you love!
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